Styling

Ms. Frontiersman got new prescription shades, so Mister Frontiersman chauffeured her to Empire Vision. She liked the new ones so much, she decided to put them on.

So, of course, Mister Frontiersman extracted his prescription sunglasses from the “glove compartment” on the dash. (No easy proposition.)

And, they drove off down the parkway, swung by BU (Binghamton University) on the return to JC (Johnson City).

Back on Main Street, Mister Frontiersman inquired,

“Shall we drive by Tony B’s and give ’em the Wave?”

“Yes, of course, let’s.”

BEEP, BEEP

Princess Di Incognito waves to the crew as Suzy scoots past.

 

Vestal’s Finest

Over the river and through the woods to Wal-Mart I went. I pulled over behind the store and a Town of Vestal police officer pulled alongside of Suzy.

VF: “Got that thing registered, huh?”

Me: “Yes, sir. New York made a special provision. It’s for limited use.”

VF: “Okay, have a nice day.”

So, I drove around to the front and parked in handicapped parking space. Since my Seiko was too expensive for the clerk to exchange the watch battery, it was a quick trip. I bought some flowers for my sweetie and a shower caddy. And admired the Goth t-shirt of the clerk, which read: “One by one, penguins are stealing my sanity.”

On my way out, I noticed that the Greeter seemed free.

Me: “Ready for the Weird Question of the Week?”

WMG: “There are no weird questions.”

Me: “…O.K… Where do I plug in my electric car.”

WMG (pauses): “Regular voltage?”

Me: “Yep, 110.”

Smiling, the Greeter leads me to the front foyer. To one side, where the shopping carts are queued were several electric carts for shoppers to use. She pulls one out of the way to show a standard three-prong receptacle.

WMG (Points): “Right there. We have lots of people who come in and charge up their electric carts here.”

Me (smiling): “Great! This will work. I can plug in the extension cord here, run it out there, and park the car there.”

WMG (smile fades, worry lines appear): “Car?”

Me: “Yep! This is great.” (Bigger smile, motions to the parking lot.) “I can charge my Electric Car… (Leans toward greeter) “without the ‘t’…” (Points to the plug.) “right there.”

WMG: “Uh, I don’t know about that… I’ll have to ask Management.”

Me: “No, no. That’s O.K. I already was on my way out… I’ll just check with Management before I do it next time. O.K.?”

WMG: “…O.K.”

Moral of the tale: “Don’t tell there are no weird penguins stealing my sanity.”

 

From Hollywood to Television

I told Bonnie that, if she would order Chinese, I would buzz downtown in the “Green Hornet” to pick up the order. Deal. She order a quart of pork and green bean with white rice for the two of us. It was tasty, but too spicy hot.

Anyway, as I am waiting for the cooks to complete my order, the manager / delivery person returned.

He: “How are you?”

Me: “Okay… How are you?”

He: “Good.”

Me: “It’s a little cold in my car… without a heater or doors.”

(He smiles.)

My order was ready; I paid and left. On my way to the curb, I pass the coffee shop owner.

Me: “Hi! Saw you on television.”

He: “Yeah? …How’s the car running.”

Me: “Not as good in this cold weather, what with lead acid batteries.”

He: “Uh-huh.”

On the way downtown, the charge went from 95% to 50% very quickly and was at 34% when I arrived. Returning it started at 85% and before I got back the light over the battery icon on the display had begun to blink. I arrived home with 24% remaining.

 

Hollywood Barber Shop

Using my Dana Douglas Rollator I walked to downtown Johnson City to get Suzy from storage. The weather has warmed again.

I was mugged at the Hollywood Barber Shop.

Not really, I am exaggerating.

Scroungy Old Man (opening the door and pushing a rolling walker): “Hi, do you give haircuts to scroungy old men with beards?

Bearded Barber looks up: “Yes, come in.”

Scroungy Old Man goes to barber chair to which barber motions, is gowned and papered. Barber removes glasses and moves to the man’s back with clippers in hand.

Barber (poised with clippers): “So, how would you like it?”

SOM (pauses, looking at reflections in the mirror; small wry grin appears): “Oh, a little off the top, please.”

Barber (lifting a locket of hair from the top): “That’s a start.”

Barber starts combing hair.

SOM: “It’s been a while since my last haircut… Three… No maybe, four… No, three… No, now let me think… Yep, it’s been at least four years.”

B (struggling with tangles): “Uh-huh.”

SOM: “Yep, it’s not that time of the month yet to comb it.”

B (starting to shear four years of hair): “Uh-huh.”

Some time later — $20 and whole lot of hair lighter — a Papa Heminway wantabe leaves the Hollywood Barber Shop and proceeds in the direction of the warehouse where Suzy is in storage.

P.S. The Barber did not get $20 for giving me the Papa Hemingway look, he got a tip above whatever was the cost of the haircut for letting the Scroungy Old Man go on about his electric car and how GO-HEVs are what Amerika needs right now, by gosh!

 

Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink

Jed Brown | Performancing.com

I now am trying a performance enhancer. No, really. For my blogging…

It looks all ajaxy. Jed Brown and Performancing.com makes it available.

 

Lovely

There were two stops during my Suzy sojourn yesterday. I told you about the first. The second stop also was somewhat humorous.

First item was finding a replacement for the 35 amp fuse. The neighborhood electronics store had 20 or 30 amp fuses. Next order of business was the battery for the meter, which I had purchased from the store (and had the sales receipt with me to prove it).

Neither the young vixen behind the counter nor I knew how to replace the expended battery in the voltmeter. She pulled off the stand trying, something I had avoided doing, but also had considered. So, she takes it to the senior owner, who is a contemporary.

The other owner and he were chatting with another customer only moments prior and two names from the conversation caught my attention so that I turned and paid attention: “Jack Bruce, Ginger Baker.” Names I have heard from a sound system over thunderous applause at the end of a concert. In Baltimore. A long time ago. They were talking about how expensive the tickets were to a Cream reunion.

The young clerk takes the problem to the the owner. He promptly confirms that it needs a standard 9V battery and quickly pushes off the shock absorbing, bright orange plastic cover exposing the battery compartment.

Me to young vixen: “Now we both can feel stupid with how easily that was done.”

YV: “And, I can feel expecially stupid because I have seen it done before.”

Owner (giving the voltmeter back to clerk): “Now you are going to need a screwdriver.”

Me: “That’s okay, I will take it from here.”

YV (Somewhat exasperated as she shoves the cover back over the meter): “Well, I'm not a meter maid.”

Owner: “Well, you are getting to be that age… Lovely, Rita, Meter Maid.”

Me (After I have paid for the fuses and battery and as I turn to leave): “Ahhhh, ah-ahhh.”

The other owner echoed it as I said it. The ear worm is well dispersed and runs deep. “Give us a wink and make me think of you.”

 

Decor-R-Us

“Interesting addition to the bathroom decor, dear,” said the bemused spouse.

“Yes, I thought so.”

With severe weather warnings three days in advance, the temperature dropping, plus rain and sleet, Mister Frontiersman and Miz Frontierswoman zipped up the domicile. Earlier this included application of new weatherstripping to some outer doors, i.e., the back door, back foyer doors, the laundry room door and the cat's penthouse. (What? You mean your cat doesn't have her own penthouse!)

When the weather started to get bad, we also lowered the storm windows and closed primary windows that still were open. This meant unpluggingg the heavy duty extension cord from the GFIC receptacle next to the sink and throwing it outside, before closing the kitchen window against the sleet and frigid artic air.

Today was a bit warmer. I decided that I either had to dig under the tarpaulin, raise the seat and turn the Main Switch off so as to lessen the drain on the batteries, or …

(Tromp, tromp, tromp)

(I wonder where he is going?)

(Tromp, tromp, tromp accomapanied by scraping sounds)

(What is he dragging up the stairs?)

(Tromp, tromp, tromp)

(Either it is the worms or the gemcar.)

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Just thought you would like to know. It's 88farenheit in Worm Annex.”

“That's nice. We have happy worms.”

(Tromp, tromp, tromp)

It was only later that the unsuspecting spouse discovered the bright yellow, heavy duty, contractor quality, extension cord had displaced the hair dryer's spot in the bathroom GFIC receptacle.

 

It Was a Dark, Stormy Day

Despite the weather, Mister Frontiersman and Miz Frontierswoman went for a drive in the “open-air” gemcar.

First stop was the auto service center up the street. The order of business was snow tires for the other car.

The owner was out on a test drive. A friendly mechanic asked how things were going. I explained that we were on a mission.

(Because we lacked the sunglasses and pork pie hats, I think he was skeptical.)

“Well, it looks like snow, better roll the windows up,” he quipped.

As we started to leave laughing, the owner drove up and handed me a great straight line, which I dropped.

The Man, the Myth, the Legend (rolls down the window and yells out): “Heh! What? Are you crazy?”

Me: “What? We're just out for a nice drive.”

Later, when he called to confirm that he had ordered the snow tires and to schedule an appointment, I told him that I missed the line he had handed to me.

“What? Are you crazy?”

“No, I don't work here; I'm just a customer.”

The other stop was the actual mission. The “do-gooders” dropped off a Crockpot at the YMCA for use at the Thanksgiving dinner to be served there on Sunday.

Bonnie apologized that we lacked a “cooker” to lend. The attendant explained rather than devices, what they needed were people to roast turkeys in their ovens at home and bring them to the dinner. So, Miz Do-Gooder went to Wegman's in the other car and bought a fresh, young turkey for me to roast on Saturday. At my suggestion, she took along the big roasting pan, so that she would buy one that fit. I think that I shall “brine” it.

 

Civic Duty

Suzy took “Nick and Nora” to the polls. We voted for better streets.

Woman in car: “Well, hello, Nora.”

Nora: “Oh, hello.”

Nick (turns around to look back at passing car then turns back to spouse): “Who was that?”

Nora: “Oh, you wouldn't know them, dear… They are respectable.”

I bought Bonnie the Warner Home Video Complete Thin Man Collection on DVD and the other night she got to see the “Sea Bass” scene. However, there is another reason for the reference that I will get to shortly.

After voting, I drove to the Pharmacy and picked up some prescriptions. I still feel badly about lambasting a medical assistant about unexpectedly encountering an absence of refills for my Humira injections.

After that, we went to the Chinese restaurant in Johnson City and had lunch.

Bonnie: “How is your Beef and String Beans?”

Me (motions to mouth and starts chewing more vigorously. Protracted silence.) “How is my Beef and String Beans? Chewy.” (Takes another portion of Sesame Chicken from her styrofoam container.)

The last stop was Home Depot for some Sticky Back Velcro. Bonnie continues to look for work, so while I checked out via an automatic system, she chatted with the clerk overseeing the sales area. She asked the other woman how she liked working there.

Clerk: “It pretty much is O.K..”

Nora: “Pretty much?”

Clerk: “Sometimes when it gets really busy…”

Nora: “What about working where all these handsome men come through?”

Clerk: “Oh, that’s no problem. I've been married for 13 years.”

Nora (turns and beams at spouse): “Did you hear that? She's been married for 13 years.”

Me (smiles at clerk): “My condolences.”

(Frosty silence prevails.)

Me (turns to spouse smiling)

Nora (uses the “we are not amused” raised eyebrow look)

Me (shrugs): “Hey, that's what Nick would have said.”

Nora (uses the “you are so lucky that you just bought me lunch and a small token of your esteem” look and turns back to clerk to apologize for the lout's behavior): “We've been watching these movies together. Sort of a precursor to Moonlighting and that is what the male character says in one of the movies.

Me (beats a hasty retreat out the door)

 

Too Hot for My Chinchilla

Just because